I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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