Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
