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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
