just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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