the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
