guys are not supposed to queef...right?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
