UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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