you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
