Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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