he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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