the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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