i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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