Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
