I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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