You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
