I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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