Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
