im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
