Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm both gender and math confused
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
