I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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