Having a random hookup so left but love u
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what day is it and did you see me today?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
