im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize