oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
