Need sex. Gaining weight.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
