This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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