threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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