And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
