Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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