ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
