Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just blew my weed a kiss
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's rum buckets o'clock
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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