This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
