He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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