I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
