Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
