Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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