i barfeds in our rink
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the day after is always just damage control
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
