some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
