He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
