im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We don't watch enough power rangers
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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