I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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