they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
