that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
accomplished twins. life is a go
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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