Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
