If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
