i just sent this text using only my big toe
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
