Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
