i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize