And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
