I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
