a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
