I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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