I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
