i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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