I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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