we made out on top of his cat.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
