I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
