if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
