I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
