Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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