He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
