Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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