how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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