Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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