were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
