He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
