his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
