Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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