I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
