I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
